We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
