You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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