yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
