Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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