OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
