omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
im having a threesome with these popsicles
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
