That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I love having hate sex.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
