We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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