I'm gonna have a badass scar
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
