I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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