i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
