In the future we'll all be gay
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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