Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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