She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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