i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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