Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
