I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
