he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
