I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
