I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
