I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
