In the future we'll all be gay
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
