Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
