Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
