I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
