last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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