this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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