She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
one two three fourrrrnication!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
