yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
