im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
