I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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