I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
