dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
