im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
