Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
