Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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