Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
