I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
