Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
