Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
