Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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