I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
