Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
