I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
