What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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