You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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