I am in a vortex of obligation.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
