I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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