I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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