New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
