Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You made out with two different species that night
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You were trust falling into bushes
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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