I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize